Open Letter to Robinson Cano

As we all know, Robinson Cano is an avid reader of The Greedy Pinstripes, so I wanted to write him a letter addressing his free agency:

Dear Mr. Cano,

We, the fandom of the Evil Empire known as Yankees fans, have recently heard that a team on the West Coast has offered you a substantial offer that seemingly would be crazy to refuse.  On behalf of said Yankees fans, I would like to offer you my reasoning for why you should reject that offer and finish your career as a Yankee.

1) You have only played for one team and that is the New York Yankees.  Signing with the Yankees on a 7 or 8 year deal would ensure that you only play for one team your whole career.  Look at some of your compatriots: Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada...they all only played for one team.  Andy Pettitte, although a member of the Core-Four isn't as admired as those other 3 due to his defection to Houston for a few seasons.

2) By following #1 above, you would virtually assure your place not only in Monument Park in Yankee Stadium (make sure to check out the Yankee Stadium Experience-Monument Park by the way...shameless plug) and make you an almost lock for Cooperstown.  Just don't get into any wrestling matches in the clubhouse please...

3) Playing for the Yankees assures you of playing in the playoffs almost every year.  There aren't many teams that have made it to the playoffs in 17 of the last 19 seasons...well, really only the Yankees have done that...oh and they also have 5 rings in that time...that team out west has exactly NONE in their history.

Hmmm...One, Two, Three...Twenty-seven...

4) Being a LEGEND in New York makes you a BASEBALL LEGEND...being the best player for a perennial loser just makes you Edgar Martinez or Ichiro Suzuki or Felix Hernandez...all superstars but by no means BASEBALL LEGENDS...Seattle's best 2 players of all-time, Alex Rodriguez and Ken Griffey, Jr., both left that city in their prime because it's not a happening place for LEGENDS such as yourself.

5) Maybe you haven't heard, but it rains A LOT in Seattle...I mean A TON...you won't be happy there and you'll have to spend all of the extra money they will pay you for umbrellas and rain boots and such.  If you should stay in New York you can just make it rain with your rapper buddies.

Cloudy Skies is No Way to Go Through Life...I live in Ohio, I should know...

6) According to the History Channel, the whole Seattle region sits on the edge of the Ring of Fire and could at any moment be subject to horrific tsunamis or earthquake/volcanic outbursts that would plunge Seattle into the Pacific Ocean.  Trust me, I'm a scientist in my day job, you don't want to be in Seattle when that most assuredly happens.  Signing with the Yankees would all but eliminate this risk as you would only have a 3 in 162 chance of being in the city as it claims the bottom of the sea during baseball season and a 0% chance of being in the city during the playoffs.  For information on the risk of total annihilation visit this website: http://www.pmel.noaa.gov/pubs/PDF/wals2794/wals2794.pdf

Just ripe for the picking Robbie...ripe for the picking...

7) Jay-Z lives in New York City bruh...who is going to buy you $3,000 bottles of champagne in Seattle?  The coolest guy out there is Bill Gates and I'm not even sure he likes baseball.

8) Once Derek Jeter retires someone on the Yankees will have to take over his bachelor-dom as the Yankees Captain and sleep with endless models and A-list actresses.  Somehow I don't think Ivan Nova is up to the task.

"And then I was like...I'll see you when I see you...have a gift basket..."

9) Seattle is best-known for its coffee...i.e. Seattle's Best Coffee...and for Bigfoot...encountering either one on a semi-daily basis is not good for your long-term baseball career.

Actually he resembles a Red Sox player...FEAR the BEARD!

10) My wife says that if you remain with the Yankees we can officially add "Cano" to the list of potential first names for our eventual 4th child along with the likes of "Mattingly" and "Jeter" (I just read this to her and she gave me a scowl...so this may have to be put into the "maybe" category).

Well, hopefully I have given you reason to pause and seriously reconsider moving out west to the land of Rain, Earthquakes, Volcanoes, Tsunamis, and Bigfoot.  We anxiously await your decision and hope that you have a great holiday season!

Sincerely,

Bryan Knepper (dm23HOF)