Exclusive Interview With Joe Girardi's Binder

Prospects Month just got really interesting here on The Greedy Pinstripes as I pulled some strings and landed our latest interview with the true manager of the New York Yankees, Joe Girardi's binder. As we all know the binder holds all the secrets to the world and the inner workings of Girardi's mind and we got to spend a few hours picking it, what a pleasure it was I add. If you ever wanted to know why Joe and the Yankees remain so successful keep reading this very entertaining interview. 

The Greedy Pinstripes:  Wow I think we are the first to ever get an interview with Joe Girardi's Binder, no? How are you today? We'll wait while you have to look it up. 

Girardi's Binder: Thanks so much for having me guys. I'm excited to be able to "turn the page" toward the 2014 season. So many new faces, so many stats.

TGP: Does Joe have a clever nickname for you? Like Ellsbury has Ellsy, etc. 

GB: You know, as much as he carries me around, Joe doesn't really have a nickname for me. I do, however, have a chapter full of Joe's nicknames. We've got one ready for Tanaka, but we won't spoil that just yet. So far we've added Canny, Tranny, Ellsy, Thorny, and Robby

TGP:  Did you come with Joe Girardi? Or did Joe just make you famous (or infamous, whichever you prefer)

GB: I came with Joe Girardi. Joe created me in Florida, and ownership didn't like me. No one knows, but I'm the reason Joe won Manager of the year in '06 but still got fired.

TGP: Can you confirm that Derek Jeter says "yeah Jeets" while making love or in his home alone?

GB: That I can't confirm, but gosh, I'd like to find out. If I hear him saying it in the shower in Tampa, I'll report back on that.

TGP: Vernon Wells or Ichiro Suzuki? Who would you have cut?

GB: We'll let you know if we made the right move. Wellsy had to go, even though my pages kept telling Joe to bat him fourth against lefties. I've already told EECHY to send Tanaka some text messages and snap chats with HIROK. Hoping they work.

TGP: What did Joe get you for Christmas?

GB: Joe got me some new dividers and a brand new plastic cover. I seem to get the same crap every year. If I accidentally spill on the way to Spring Training, you'll know why.

TGP: How upset are you about not being the #FaceoftheYankees on MLB Network? You had my vote.

GB: I've got to thank all of my fans for voting for me as the face of the Yankees. Most people don't realize that the bulk of Yankee I've got to thank all of my fans for voting for me as the face of the Yankees. Most people don't realize that the bulk of Yankee.

TGP:  Are you big on prospects or would you rather trade them all for the veteran "sure thing" types?

GB: I'd rather trade prospects for the sure thing. The Yankees need to win now so Joe stays in New York for a long time. Imagine being the first school supply ever immortalized in Monument Park! Rebuilding is for the birds.

"Still NO Chris, and NOW you know why!"

TGP: Why would you not play Chris Dickerson in 2011 and 2012? 

GB: Chris Dickerson once spilled water all over me during the summer of 2011. That was the end of him.

TGP: Tell us the truth, did Andruw Jones have naked pictures of Joe's wife? Or of Joe?

GB: JONESY had great splits against left-handers, just like WELLSY. Both were tremendous successes toward a Yankee championship. Wait...

TGP: Why would you not let Dellin Betances pitch last season?

GB: DELI has great stuff, but his fastball is so wild, he sometimes hits scouts in the stands, putting THEIR binders in danger. THOSE ARE MY COUSINS, MAN!

TGP:  Did you tell Joe to go out and defend Alex Rodriguez last season after being hit by Ryan Dempster?

GB: That was all Joe on that one. I was so proud of him. I thought he might pop a blood vessel. However, I do have a chapter that indicates the Yankees' OUTSTANDING record when Joe gets ejected from a game. And we won that one too.

TGP: Turn to page 47 in the binder, what does it say?

GB: Page 47 says that Boone Logan needs to pitch in 100 games this coming season. Unfortunately, he's in Colorado. So insert "Thornton" everywhere you see "Logan" and we're up-to-date.

TGP: What is your plan to navigate the Yankees bullpen this season?

GB: See above answer.

TGP:  What in the world are you going to do without Joba Chamberlain, Boone Logan, and Mariano Rivera to lean on this season?

GB: We're going to call up some old pals to help fill the gap this season: Wetteland, Nelson, Stanton, Quantrill, Proctor, and Sturtze. It's always best to go with guys who have experience. We haven't heard back yet from Pedro Feliciano's agent.

TGP: Most famous person in your cell phone?

GB: Bill Clinton. He keeps asking if I'm a binder full of women. I don't follow politics.

TGP: Can you hook us up with a Joe Girardi interview?

GB: I can try, but Joe's day usually consists of work-outs, work-outs, reading, and then more work-outs. Maybe when he's in between sets of push-ups I can get him on a phone call for you, but no promises.

TGP: Any embarrassing songs in your iPod?

GB: The soundtrack from "Lord of the Rings." See what I did there?

TGP: Have you been approached about a movie deal yet?

GB: No movie deal, but John Sterling and I are working on a Yankeeography as we speak. Once the Carl Pavano episode airs, I'm on!

TGP: We'll finish with this one, where do you see yourself in five years?

GB: If I retire this year, Cooperstown.

Perfect answer to finish a perfect interview...

We want to thank Joe Girardi for relinquishing his binder for a few minutes to do this interview and we want to thank the binder for finding the time to do this interview for us. You can follow Girardi's Binder on Twitter by following @BinderGirardi to see his always entertaining tweets. At least now we have a face and a voice behind all those first inning intentional walks, questionable pinch hitting moves, and all the wins and losses due to the binder. Also if I have to tell you that this is a spoof then I am not entirely sure I want you reading my material, I kid. Thank you for reading and thank you again to Girardi's Binder for taking the time and letting us have a sneak peek of the most important document in New York Yankees history.